Quotes from Woody Allen

80% of success if showing up.

I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

My brain? It’s my second favourite organ.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful – provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.